Please don't take our laughter the wrong way!

Last weekend was the regional volleyball tournament for Special Olympics. The fact that Molly's team was 1st place in their division after losing both games that they played sounds like quite a feat doesn't it? After watching their practices for the last 6 weeks, I was more than a little nervous about how this tournament was going to go down since my girl didn't seem to understand the game...at all! And to be honest, the rest of the team was ducking and not moving for the balls either so Molly wasn't alone.

After one practice, I asked the coach if maybe she could show them all a video of a REAL volleyball game and she liked that idea. She said "I'm not sure how to get them to move from the tiny little circle that they are standing in?" What she was describing was what the rest of us were seeing too: The ball would come over the net and even if it were just 1 foot away from an "athlete"(as they are called in Special Olympics) the player wouldn't budge an inch. The ball would drop with a plop on the floor and the point was over. Basically if the other team could successfully serve the ball over the net, our team would not return it!

Most of the other teams we practiced with could serve it over the net.

So I was surprised the day of the tournament to see that a few of the players were really moving and swinging their arms in a little attempt to hit the ball. Don't picture spiking the ball here or anything REALLY fabulous but movement was happening. And a few of them had learned to serve! This Bad News Bears team might do okay?!!

And then there was this sweet thing. Standing like this throughout the.entire.game. Even when the play was over. Molly's arms HAD to be sore by the end of the two games? I wish that I had taken a picture from the front as she had the hugest smile on her face the whole time too. The ball would come near her, but she didn't budge. It would land right beside her and she'd make no effort to hit the ball. But by golly her hands were up! And she was happy! And the rest of the team never got mad at her.

So there we were watching and giggling and loving every minute of Molly's non competitive spirit. The rest of us play to win so it's such a foreign concept to see her absolute gentleness on the court. When I posted this picture to my FB page, I realized that others might not understand our laughing and I hoped that others would get that we laugh out of joy and total acceptance of Molly. Can you see the love in her dad and brothers eyes? I hope so.

So here are the champs of the "Unassisted Division". All of the other teams had 3 typical peer players (i.e. coaches or siblings that do not have a disability) on the court with the 3 Special Olympians. This keeps the play moving, though I am sure there are rules around what they can and can not do. I never saw a typical player try and win the point. They were there to pass the ball to a team mate and keep the play alive. We were the only team at the tournament that had only Special Olympians playing. Which meant that the ball didn't go back and forth very often and when it DID.....we were ecstatic!

#2 is our girl and we loved that she picked that # since Jack has always been #22 for lacrosse. They all were SO proud of getting the blue ribbons. Did they not understand that they lost both of their games pretty handily? I'm not sure? But that really isn't what matters to these beautiful people. What they love is spending time together and having something productive to do together. They are very sweet and supportive of each other and that is very special to behold in this day and age.

What IS this feeling?

Here I sit in my PJ's at 8 am mulling over these parenting feelings that have hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. I have helped Molly shower, brush her teeth, fed her breakfast, made her lunch and her bus arrives soon to whisk her off to work for a few hours. Tonight she has a fun Halloween dance with Spencer where she gets to wear her Vampire outfit that we purchased when the first Halloween store popped up a few months ago. She kept pointing to her teeth when we talked about her costume. When I said "Vampire?" she nodded frantically. Next week I will devote an entire blog to all the Halloween festivities as there are a few more on the horizon. Today I muse about parenting.

We raise our children to grow and flourish on their own two feet. We want them to be independent and never return home to live in our basement once they set off for college. We love for them to trip and fall (well...not the helicopter parents) along the way so that lessons will be learned and we as parents are there to lift them up.

Brooke and I took the "Parenting with Love and Logic" classes that taught us to take the arguments out of lessons learned along the way. If you are not home at curfew, "What a bummer" and a consequence was thought about and imposed at a later time when we were not upset and Jack had time to worry what that consequence might be. Typically he had to be home a 1/2 EARLIER for every minute he was late. He learned quickly and is always home on time. He once found a grassy weed eater in his bed after "forgetting" to do that chore. He might have found a few dirty dishes in his bed too when his basement haven wasn't cleaned up after having been asked on too many occasions and we were finally sick of it.

That makes us sound way more badass than we really are as Jack mostly does what we ask of him in a relatively timely manner. We aren't pushed to throw down the "Because I'm the parent" card that often.

Today my almost 18 year old (next week) doesn't have school. It's a wild feeling that after years of coordinating, driving, fixing food and gentle reminding that he was out the door at 6 am to drive to the mountains to go skiing with his buddies. All without me doing ONE THING!

• He put his bindings on his snowboard (by himself)
• He set his alarm and got up on time (by himself)
• He made breakfast (by himself)
• He had his goggles/ski pants/coat/snowboard/ear buds/phone/ski pass/lunch for his pocket (I think)

He was out the door by 6 am (I was still sleeping in my cozy, warm bed)

So why am I even writing about this? Why do I feel.......I'm not even sure how I feel? Why does it feel like just a couple of years ago we were on our way for a ski weekend and had to turn the car around after driving for 15 minutes to go back to our house to get Jack's snowboard boots that he realized he hadn't packed? I think he was 5th or 6th grade.  How can I feel SO proud of him today in all of his independence and yet feel so sad all in the same moment?

I suppose that as moms we like to feel needed. Yet we also love when our kids can start doing things for themselves. Holding a bottle to feed themselves! AWESOME! Getting their own water from the water thingy on the frig. AWESOME! Turning on their own perfectly tempered water for the shower. AWESOME! Driving themselves to school. AWESOME! Doing their homework without you. AWESOME! I remember vividly fantasizing about when the kids would go off to college and I would finally have a little me space (they were 1 and 3 years old and we were in the thick of autism chaos). But now that we are on the verge of Jack moving on and I have gotten used to having them around, it's a different feeling. Maybe Jack should live in the basement? ;)

So I have one kid that will live with us forever (Molly) and one that is proving his independence and self reliance (Jack) and we should pat ourselves on our backs for how well we have done raising them both.

So why do I feel so.........midlife crisis? ;)

The dreaded dentist appointment!

In the early years, going to the dentist was an absolute nightmare! Molly was hyperly, orally defensive as a little child. I have shared that she wouldn't take a bottle (she exclusively nursed for 14 months), or pacifier, or suck her thumb. We couldn't stay in her mouth for long brushing teeth either and to this day getting those bottom front teeth is hard as she grips that bottom lip onto her teeth.  On top of all the oral defensiveness, she gagged on many different foods and textures. Poor thing.

At one point, we had her put under for a dentist visit so that they could fill a couple of cavities and coat all her teeth with a protective coating. This was the best option back then for sure. She hasn't had a cavity since! As she has grown and gone to the dentist twice a year , she has gotten better and better with the process. I have always encouraged the dentist to let her hold a mirror so that she can see what they are doing in her mouth. This has really helped. Taking the bite X-rays makes ME gag so you can picture what happens to Molly. Even this process is easy now for my almost 20 year old!

Yesterday we had Molly's dentist appointment and I left feeling SO grateful that life has taken the edge off of my daughter. She is such a joy to be around. She practically runs back to the cleaning area and plops herself down on the table. Jack had his last appointment with this pediatric dentist group a year ago as his legs were WAY TOO LONG for the table and all the other kids in the office are tiny. He felt out of place. Molly doesn't care at all that all the other patients are little kids. Molly puts on the glasses and lies down. She opens her mouth, she closes her lips when directed for the liquid to get sucked out of her mouth, the stands perfectly still when they do the panoramic x-ray, she doesn't gag on the bite x-rays, and she almost sprints to the get the coin to retrieve her toy out of the machine when we go to reschedule the next appointment.

Jack always picked the bouncy ball that we would launch from the second story of the building down into the atrium after their appointments. It was the fun, bouncy reward. Lo and behold, Molly wanted a bouncy ball too this time. Next time remind me to be the one that tosses it down to her as this time she didn't have her brother to gently drop it. She heaved it and it went everywhere! I ducked down into a little crouch and covered my head. Luckily no windows were broken in the process.

I then took her to work and she left her little ball in the car.

That afternoon, the bus brought her home. She immediately ran around doing her "chores" then she came and looked at me expectantly. She stands and leans forward slightly and stares at me. She totally thinks that I can read her mind. I say "Molly, do you want something? Then you need to tell me on your talker". She ran back to her room, got her talker, and came and sat down beside me. She scanned a page on her talker and hits "Baseball". I think "Baseball?"....we all hate baseball (boring) and when Jack thought T-ball was boring at 3 years old, we readily agreed and have never had to sit on a sideline since :) Lacrosse baby! Anyway, I had NO idea what she was talking about. She then signs "help" and heads out the front door and goes and looks in the window of my locked car. AHA!! I knew exactly what she needed then. She wanted the bouncy ball from her dentist appt that morning. Love her. Even though she can't speak with her mouth, she is an excellent communicator!!

Wonderful "Positive Exposure" photo exhibit!

Now that school is over for Molly, she does not have the regular excitement of Homecoming, Prom, Graduations, etc to look forward to. So this night was particularly exciting for her and she let me know that many days ahead by putting her hand to her ear as if she were making a phone call to a friend. "Katie" is who she was wanting to tell about the Photo Exhibit that she was going to be in. Katie was a very sweet friend in high school who is now a freshman in college. Molly shows me her FB page and that let's me know that she is thinking of Katie and probably missing her. We "called" Katie on Molly's hand phone MANY times this week. I wonder if she heard us? ;)

Rick Guidotti is a beautiful soul who used to be a high fashion NYC photographer who changed the direction of his career about 15 years ago when he saw the beauty in an albino woman standing on the street corner.  He was drawn to her and asked if he could shoot her (with his camera of course) and that encounter changed his photography forever. He now travels the world taking photos of children and adults with genetic, physical, intellectual and behavioral differences for exhibits that are displayed around the world. "Change how you see, see how you change" is the motto of his Positive Exposure innovative nonprofit arts, education and advocacy organization. www.positiveexposure.org

Six weeks ago, we showed up for Molly's photo shoot not knowing what to expect. They said " Allot a couple hours, bring videos to watch, food to eat, and whatever toys that might engage your kids as we aren't sure how long each session will take and we have a few models booked at the same time." As I parent, I read between the lines on this: "whichever kid isn't losing it right then, get's to go first". So Molly and I walked in with our bag of goodies and her headphones ready to plug in and listen to her music. This is how she stays calm for HOURS on the sidelines of Jack's games and it works. It was very quiet. There were only two men in this big open area who smiled at us as we came in looking lost. I said "Is this where the photo shoot is?". "YES!!" Rick said enthusiastically. "Let's get going!". Oh, wow....Okay. I looked at Molly, her hair was a little crazy but since I have never really learned how to do her hair since mine is bone straight and hers is so curly, I just left it. I love her hair and just let the wave fly! She seemed a little off too. And by off, I mean really edgy. Tense. Having her picture taken is not on her top list of things she likes to do. When she tries to pose and say "Cheese", it's usually a grimace. I was nervous that even this expert wasn't going to be able to get a good one.

He took her outside.

And inside.

I took this one over his shoulder and loved the lighting he found.

Click, Click, Click. He moved her from one location to the next. Quickly. Which is awesome for my girl. He was praising her and telling her how beautiful she was. And then he'd get REALLY excited about a shot as he would look at the back of the camera to see how an image turned out. Then he'd show me. Then he'd show Molly. Click, Click, Click. She was so grumpy and making unhappy noises and yet he kept moving along and wasn't at all distracted by her "differences" and noises. Click, Click, Click. I loved him immediately. "Let me see those beautiful blue eyes. Gorgeous". Click, Click, Click. It was shortly after this take that she disappeared around the corner. He looked at me like "what happened?". I looked at him and went to see where she had gone. She had slipped into the bathroom that was right there. Classic Molly who never tells you what she is up to. I think she really needed to go potty because afterwards she was so much happier and less gripey. And then it was over. It might have taken 10 minutes; 15 minutes at the most. Another mom and young child were just arriving so it was perfect for them too. I knew he had captured a good picture but I couldn't wait to see which one he used for the exhibit and we wouldn't know that until the show 6 weeks later.

So last night was the Gala Opening of the event at Chapel Hills Mall where more than 2 million people will see these pictures during the holiday season. I hope that many of you locals will stop by and see the pictures of these Colorado Springs community members. There is a nice little blurb under their names so you get a sense of the person. Our favorite titled a man "the worlds best paper shredder" or something like that and we all laughed as that could have been Molly if we hadn't nipped that OCD behavior. My absolute favorite picture is of a darling little boy (3-5 years oldish?) in a walker type contraption. He is looking into the camera with such joy it just makes you smile. I will go back just to take a picture of that picture to show you!

Brooke gave Molly flowers that she carried around all night long.

Spencer was part of the fun too.

LOVE this!

They gave Molly a framed print to bring home.

You can't tell at all that she wasn't enjoying the session, can you?

We ate, we drank, we mingled with friends. It was a lovely night. Our "model" even took a couple people that we didn't know across the room to show them her picture. :) I hope that Molly has many more memorable nights like this. She deserves it!

Rick photo bombed Molly and her two high school friends.

What is going ON in the bathroom?

One quick Molly story before I get cracking on my day.

Molly has been A LOT more verbal in the last say 6 months. And by verbal I mean louder. There are many summer days when I wonder what the neighbors think who are walking their dogs by our house and hear her noises emanating out of her bedroom window as she plays on her i pad and listens to music. Do they wonder if we are abusing our daughter or do they know, like most in our little town, "That must be Molly's house"?

It's hard to describe her sounds for those that don't know her. She doesn't modulate appropriate sound levels so often it is too high pitched or squawky sounding. But she IS repeating everything you say to her which in autism world is called "echolalia" (echoing). I say "How are you?" and instead of answering, a child with echolalia will say "How are you?". Remember how Molly's boyfriend Spencer does this too and I always say to him "You look very skinny today" so that he'll say it back to me?

Just kidding....I still don't make him do that.

Sometimes I love that she is attempting speech more. Sometimes it's just annoying and loud. But I recall my daily prayer that she could one day communicate with her mouth and so I try and be patient. And then I ask if she wants a bath as she will always be quiet in there ;)

I got such a kick out of her after a bath last week. She always takes a bath with the lights off and her music on low from her iPad . It's always Bob Marley that she starts with. She adds hot water every now and again and her baths last for an hour or so. If it's too quiet, I peek in to see if she is still alive. Or do the token sound through the door "Oooo"or maybe it sounds more like "Ew"?... and she responds "Ooooo" "Ew". Good, she's alive.

After a long bath last week, she was making all kinds of loud noises and I couldn't decipher if she was happy or upset. I pulled myself up off of the sofa and walked back to the bathroom and peered in. The light was on and she was standing naked in the empty bathtub. She looked at me. I said "What are you DOING?". And she looked at me like I was crazy and said with her mouth "I'm SINGING!" It came out pretty clear and it made me laugh. Of course that's what you were doing :) I have NO idea what song that was or that she even knew that people sing in the shower, but I loved it.

And then last night she had her first Special Olympics volleyball practice. 3 out of 10 hits actually went forward (instead of backwards over her head) so there is a lot of room for improvement but she smiled the whole time!! More on that fun as we move through the season!

Happy Hump Day!!

Senior year of the "typical" sibling.

That means Jack :)

I have every intention of being more consistent with this blog, and then life gets in the way: I AM still script writing for Gemiini, while trying to balance the life of a family. Why does everyone need to eat and have clean laundry? Why does the lab dog hair take over so quickly? And what exactly IS that smell that we can not seem to clean out of the refrigerator despite scrubbing every nook and cranny? The first month plus of school for Jack has been super busy/fun and it being his senior year of high school, I am trying to take it all in and savor every moment. I get a little teary when I think of his fun presence being gone to college and off into the world.

A quick drive by of highlights from this month: Attending soccer/football and ultimate frisbee games to watch Jack's pals and then him play frisbee. He played both football and soccer the first 3 years of high school and has migrated to Ultimate Frisbee this fall for a fun change. LOTS of running which will get him in shape for lacrosse. He has Captains' practice one night a week for a fun casual gathering of all the boys' high school lacrosse players. It's a chance for the older guys to get to know the younger ones before tryouts in the spring.

Broncos are doing well. Our CU Buff's are looking a little better this year..... and we have needed a "little better" for a lot of years now!

Homecoming week had Jack SO busy with all the Student Council involvements from coming up with a theme: Mardi Gras, to decorating the school, to building floats for the parade. To then practicing the seniors Powder Puff cheer (hilarious and for some reason I can't post a video via this blog so I sadly can't show you), to the Homecoming Football game (we lost), to shopping for an outfit last minute Saturday morning,  to finally showering, dressing up, having dinner with all his pals and their dates and then going to the dance.

Do you know what I admire most about Jack and that entire process...is that I had NOTHING to do with it. He is SO good about managing his very busy schedule. He has gotten himself up since elementary school and I rarely have to see if he has over slept. My job is to try and keep the boy fed because he is always hungry!!

Sometimes pictures speak louder than words so here is a glimpse of our life so far this fall.

Ralphie (BEST mascot there is!)

Jack and Molly before his fun Homecoming night!

Boys being goofy!

The beautiful high school kids all ready for the Homecoming Dance.

Jack's stunning girlfriend. She's beautiful on the inside too!

The Senior's Powder Puff outfits. The dance routine was even better! :)

Senior Photo shoot with the amazing Katie Work.

Jeeping getaway to check out the changing colors.

My handsome senior!

He loves the jacket. I love his short hair.

He successfully made me laugh (as always)!

College applications, campus visits, another round of ACT testing and hopefully by Thanksgiving, Jack will have all his paperwork finished and he can relax a little more into enjoying the rest of his high school experiences. So far they have been fun!

Molly is SO busy too with work, speech therapy, music therapy, being assessed for a job, starting Special Olympics volleyball tonight (THAT should be interesting....will update you later) and hiking whenever possible. I'll give you a few quick Molly stories next time.

Summer Fun and this mom is READY for a regular schedule to resume. Hello school!

My last post, little over a month ago, was from an overwhelmed place. I am happy to say that I have not been lying on the sofa eating bon bons ever since, but rather have been very busy having fun! I'll give you a quick recap and hope to get back on regular blogging track as Jack starts his senior year of high school tomorrow and Molly begins her new "work" schedule (which looks a little different this year).

These pictures will be nothing new to my FB friends, but to those of you who just follow my blog, you will understand that we have been on the move and having some great adventures. Life has been good for sure!

Shortly after my mini meltdown, our family drove up to Flathead Lake in Montana near Glacier National Park for a Bell family reunion. No bugs, perfect lake temperature for all the boating sports, beautiful weather, yummy food and beverages and the perfect place for me to celebrate turning 50 years old. I will save writing a separate blog post about my surprise 50th that many girlfriends gave to me at home before we left. It was SO special and I'll encourage you all to celebrate a friend the same way.

Anyway, back to Flathead Lake.

Jack doing a headstand on the paddle board.

Our morning coffee view from the house.

One of my favorite 50th birthday presents.

Molly tried a puff of the cigar AND a sip of beer and said "Yuck" to both :)

LOTS of time spent on the boat.

Wake Boarding: You drop the line and surf the wave. Very fun.

Getting to the top hammock was VERY interesting to watch.

Night Wake Surfing



Upon our return home, I had one week to prepare for a gathering of fun high school friends. I will save those pictures and stories for another blog to be posted soon. Molly is excited to have a daily schedule again and I am looking forward to the same!