Spencer: A Special Friendship and Special Olympics Prom!

Kids like mine don't really have friends per se. Molly adores other kids and my guess is that she wishes that she could have sleep overs and hang out after school with a best friend and text her back and forth about the random things that teenagers share...but it hasn't really happened that way. So having a special friend, that also has autism, has been a gift to everyone involved. We met Spencer when both he and Molly were really little (6 and 3 years old) and we shared an ABA therapist (Stacy Richardson; you read about her in an earlier post). Spencer's parents were also in a parent group with us, where we shared ideas and found camaraderie in the unique worlds of parenting kids with autism. We could laugh and cry together and we all understood exactly what each others lives looked and felt like. Mostly, we shared information on the latest therapy or alternative doctor that we had found. We all tried everything: from ABA therapy, to special diets, to vitamin therapies, to whatever might help our kids get better! And to be perfectly honest..it wasn't a parent group, it was a mom group, as we all had to leave our husbands at home to care for the kids while we scooted out. You've heard me say it before: tag team. It's the only way we could operate and probably not the best method to keep a marriage alive, but we were all in survival mode.

We lost touch for many years once the kids entered the different school systems and reconnected about 10 years later when both Molly and Spencer started in a weekly social group/speech therapy session. It's composed of all teenagers (and older)  that communicate with augmentative devices. It was in these weekly gatherings that the sparks began to fly :)

They both look forward to their weekly group speech therapy session.

When I am with Molly and Spencer, it doesn't necessarily feel like they have crushes on each other (although the picture above kinda says otherwise).  Maybe Molly is a lot like me in hiding those overt, scary feelings of vulnerability? I tell my son the story that when I was in 4th grade, and new to Grymes Memorial School in Orange, Virginia, I had the biggest secret crush on a little towhead boy named Jeff Cowherd. But what I told everyone was that I had a crush on Billy Novak to throw them off. Not sure why that helped me as I still was teased about Billy (but I knew in my heart who my real crush was and was still safe?). What kind of crazy head games was I playing with myself....and poor Billy?!! I hadn't really grown out of that "hide my biggest crush" feelings even when I started dating Brooke!! :) So maybe Molly comes by this behavior genetically? "Don't look at him or talk to him and all will be fine."

It all started three months before Spencer's 19th b'day a couple of years ago (he's a MUCH older man in teenage life: by 3 years). His mom Cheryl had asked him what he wanted to do to celebrate. He is semi verbal and can answer questions. He also will repeat what you have said (echolalia). So I say "You look so skinny and beautiful" a lot. Just kidding...I don't make him say that. :) He talks, as well as uses his device to type sentences, and uses his iPad to track flight schedules to Paris. I hope that he'll take Molly (and me) one day. Je parle francais. He is sweet and gentle despite towering over me at 6'2".  His mom tells me that he has a few quirky habits: like downloading game after game on his computer until there is no memory left.  Or always having 6 highlighters, 5 tubes of chapstick, 2 post-it pads, a wallet, an ipod and a cell phone in his pockets.  Always.  How does he sit sometimes?!  Or complaining when his mom has to do a last minute something that he has not put on his schedule, and then mutters that he has to change the date of watching a movie he was going to watch during that time to another day, when he could just watch it when they got home. 

So back to Spencer's answer for his birthday fun. "Date with Molly".  He wanted to take her out for Chinese food and then back to his house to open presents and have cake and ice cream. He told me what he was going to order for her dinner (something that he liked, which was sweet and all, but she wouldn't have eaten any of it) so I told him that he'd be safe ordering fried rice for her. Their first date was a huge success and we have been trying to get them together monthly (or so) ever since.

One interesting observation from my table with Cheryl across the empty restaurant from our kids, was that when the food was brought to the table, both Molly and Spencer just sat there looking at the heaping piles of food but did not dish it onto their own plates. They looked. They sat. And they sat. Empty plates in front of them. It was my wake up call that we must prompt Molly through her meals. "Do you want more?" when her plate is empty and we automatically give her more. It was funny for me to see that Spencer was the same way. So often we deal with the same autism issues but don't really realize what it's like in others' homes. So even though we moms tried to give them their personal "away from parents date space", we had to tag team going over to their table and dishing up more food onto their plates. Sigh. They will starve if they get married.

Animated movies are always a hit with these two. Taking pictures...not so much.

Getting ready for a hike.

Halloween Party

Another hike in Red Rock Canyon.

That awkward before the Prom photo.

They agreed to dinner at Wild Ginger. Quietest dinner I've ever had with two other people.

I prompted them to hold hands and it sure is cute.

Molly was all about the glasses. Spencer wasn't so sure about the mustache. Chinstache.

A little break while the DJ rested.

I prompted this too. Spencer didn't move the entire song. Veerrrrry slow dancing. :)

We found out about prom on Wednesday and asked Spencer's mom if he could go. He's a good kid and I feel equipped to deal with his special issues and an evening with me in charge was something that I knew that I could handle. I'm sure that his mom Cheryl feels the same way with Molly. I also know that we have a mutual understanding that even if something goes terribly wrong, we would each be able to manage it fine. And we wouldn't hold it against the other as we know that these things just come with the territory. And I'll be honest....we parents don't feel like imposing our kids on just anyone as we aren't sure you can handle it :) Or you will judge us for how our kid is acting. Or you will hold it against us if something really embarrassing happens. Especially in the early years.

Special Olympics Prom is the best dance that you as a parent can ever attend. The kids WANT you there and the kids NEED you there (unlike your traditional proms where we are banned from within a one mile radius of the school). It's the only prom where mothers can slow dance with their daughters and no one bats an eye.  It's the prom where parents can invite the awkward teenager who is standing alone watching the dancing but doesn't have the social skills to come dance with the crowd. Girls can dance with girls. Boys can dance with boys. I saw a number of fun moms and dads go lure the solo kids to the dance floor. I might have even done that too. The DJ played all the fun dancing songs that had people line dancing as well as solo dancing. YMCA. The Electric Slide. It was fun.

Molly is a dancing queen. She LOVES music and has learned a lot of crazy moves that I can only guess she picked up from TV and the movies (or her father). She busts a move. Spencer, on the other hand, stood as still as a gigantic Redwood tree peering over everyones head. He didn't smile. He didn't move. So when I asked if he'd like to come sit down and watch from a comfortable position, he said "No". I guess he liked being in the thick of it all? During the break at 8:30 (halfway through the dance), I asked him what time he'd like to go home. He's always checking his watch and time is an important thing to him. I was thinking that he'd say "Now" as it didn't appear to me that he was having any fun at all. Wasn't sure how I was going to break it to Molly. So I was surprised when he said "10 o'clock" (when the dance was scheduled to be over). So when the DJ started up again, the kids returned to the dance floor; Molly grooving and Spencer standing.

We saw Zach and a number of other kids from Molly's Special Olympic swim team there. I lured Zach over to do "the bump" (the only dance move that I recall from my 80's repertoire). You know, you bump hips and slowly move closer to the ground bumping hips all the way down? He's a pretty short teenager so we bumped about two times before I couldn't go any lower. After that, Zach wouldn't leave me alone and he was my dance partner for the rest of the night. He stood with his arm around my waist like we had been dating for years. His mom later said "You should be flattered. I don't think that Zach realizes that you are a mom". Ha! That made my night :)

So here are my lingering thoughts regarding these two. They don't talk on the phone. They don't email each other. Molly doesn't bring him up. She gets excited on Wednesday's when she knows that we are going to speech therapy. She's excited when I tell her that we have coordinated a get together. She blushes when teased by her brother about him. But I'd love to see HER initiate that contact. I'd love for HER to be able to reach out to him and connect during a random moment of her choosing. I'd even love for her to get a kiss. One that makes her toes curl. If you can't talk, you might as well kiss :)

Dear Disney World: Special Needs families need you!

Our first foray to Disney World in Orlando was when the kids were little. Molly was 7 and Jack was 5. We had flown to Florida for my brother Jay and his now wife Kristen's wedding and as soon as they headed off on their honeymoon, we headed to Disney. We were nervous about the day as Molly was an edgy kid. Waiting was waaaaayy down the list as a skill.  If waiting for 30 seconds (or less) can be considered a skill. She wasn't a runner but she also was oblivious to where we were and never tried to keep us in sight; so we had fears of losing her in the crowd of tourists. Jack, like most typical kids, could understand what we said, would listen to us, and we knew that if he got lost, he could at least talk to someone. Molly was hit or miss. Happy one second, tantruming and scratching her arms raw when edgy and out of sorts. We were always walking on egg shells as we never knew what would set her off. Except for waiting....that ALWAYS set her off. Patience and staying in one place without movement was a guaranteed tantrum; unless there was a cartoon or singing video on. Or driving in a car. She ways always happy strapped into a moving car. That's why we tried this ride.

First time to Disney at 7 years old.

So we were legitimately concerned about a day at Disney. We had heard the rumors of hour plus waits in line for a ride. We had also heard about the Fast Pass option where one parent runs ahead and checks into a ride with a return time for the family to come back. It all sounded like just one more thing to worry about and a schedule that we weren't sure that we could keep. It didn't sound easy or even fun. And then, through the amazing parent grapevine of helpful information, we were told about the Special Needs pass. This allowed a family of a special needs child the ability to automatically move to the front of a line. It was done very discreetly so that we weren't obviously cutting anyone off that had been patiently waiting for hours. We would go in a separate entrance and would funnel in in a way that wasn't obvious. It was perfect. We could move quickly from one ride to the next, stop for bathroom breaks and eating, and keep on moving.

It was THE BEST DAY that our little family had EVER had together. Truly. For 7 years Brooke and I had been living in hell with a child that was difficult and parenting wasn't very fun. Jack had brought a beautiful balance and had shown us the joys of parenting, but we had not had any fun, non stress days together as a family . Fun was had in tag team mode. Whomever had Molly...wasn't having fun in a public venue (in general). Whomever had Jack, was. So this pass allowed us to enjoy a day of adventures that we never could have had otherwise. Which makes me SO sad for today's families at Disney World as that special pass has been taken away.

Here are some of the lame excuses that people use to get the pass. And these are NO lie real.

"My son suffers from childhood obesity". Then today will be the perfect opportunity for a little exercise to work those lbs off!
"My child is gluten intolerant and needs the free pass." What? I'm not even sure how they think that is a reason for a special pass? Bring your own food in then people!
"My child is dyslexic.".       ??????

It makes me think that people have heard that there is a pass for ANY kind of issue...not a legitimate one. And is it human nature to milk the best deal that we can find? Have we stooped to such a low level? I want to throw up reading about the NYC elite moms who hired people with disabilities to go around the park with them so that they qualified for the pass. Bet they didn't hire kids with autism as that would have been a little too stressful in their perfect little worlds.

Fast forward 10 years to this week when Molly and I returned to Disney World. We had signed up the night before for the Fast Pass and had added the "My Disney Experience" app for my phone. When we arrived at the park, we checked in with customer service to see if there was any special needs pass to be had. This was it. And it wasn't the good one of years past.

Disability pass with her picture; good for one ride at a time.

Fast Passes that you scan upon arrival at a ride. Can only use for 3 events.

The Disability access pass simply allows you to check into the ride that you want and they write down the time for you to return. It's the same amount of time that you would be waiting in line if you were to do that. When I spoke with the customer service person, I told them that that really doesn't help a family whose child has troubles with waiting as we would still be waiting. He said "But now you can go get food or hang out in the shade but not have to wait in the actual line". He's right....that IS better than the line nightmare but the issue remains the same: waiting is hard and the family is now not having fun. Isn't the point of Disney to have fun? One precious day of fun?

I am not a person that wants something for nothing. I don't believe that you get anything for free in this world without working hard for it. Without earning it. Getting free Medicaid healthcare for my daughter makes me feel uncomfortable when I check out of our dentist appointment and owe nothing. We tried to get Molly on our policy but the insurance company wouldn't add her due to her disability. I'm sure that will now change with Obamacare, we just haven't done the research yet to add her to our policy. So my point here is not just for our family and for our Molly. It's more for those young families who are desperate for one day of reprieve similar to the one that we got to experience 10 years ago. I will never forget how happy we were. It was such a unique gift that Disney gave us and it breaks my heart that others can't have that. We are not asking for a handout that isn't deserved. We are asking for an accommodation for our child that REALLY needs that support. Your obese child is rational. Your dyslexic child understands you and doesn't fly off the handle from the sensory overload in a new environment. Your gluten intolerant child can be distracted by conversations and games in line to pass the time. I'm not saying that those issues aren't significant in their own right, they just aren't relevant to this scenario of qualifying for a special pass.

So Molly and I navigated the park with our Fast Pass to Space Mountain as she is a roller coaster thrill seeker, unlike her mother. Then we went and met with Mickey Mouse; still her favorite cartoon and one she watches with a huge smile on her face. We waited in a small room with a few other families. Then they escort you to another small room and there we could see Mickey greeting other kids. It was hearing his voice that sparked her interest as she scanned the room to see where it was coming from. As soon as she saw him, her face lit up! Then we were next. He came walking over to her and she panicked. Instead of giving him a hug or smiling at him, she turned sideways to him and looked a little freaked out. He was her height and that face to face engagement is not her forte. I'll post the video so you can see their picture and her saying "Cheese" and then she high tailed it out of there. Maybe watching Mickey and Minnie on the TV is more fun? :) We got to use her pass to ride Splash Mountain which is a great way to cool off. We also used it to watch the Mickey PhilharMagic movie which is a 3D movie that blows your hair when the wind blows and sprays you with a mist of water when it's raining in the film. Very engaging and fun which was perfect for my daughter.

17 years old and STILL loves Disney World.

Post Splash Mountain

I enjoyed the day with my daughter. It wasn't the fun that we had the first time as there were some edgy moments as we waited. At 17, those issues aren't completely gone. And we were missing her dad and brother to make it the full family experience. And I empathize with Disney's predicament. How DO you give passes to the families that really need them when so many are abusing the system? I don't have the answers but sure hope that something can be worked out for other families like us that need one day of joy in our chaotic life of autism.

Meeting Mickey Mouse

Dancing with Goofy

   

Molly was so happy to see Goofy and ran over to be near him. I love him for engaging with her!

A day at Disney World

I'm still gathering my thoughts about our Disney World experience but it's safe to say that Molly and I had an excellent girls trip to Florida. Leaving the brown and snow of mid April in Colorado for the sun and palm trees of Florida, was a no brainer for this flip flop wearing gal. We have both returned with a little pink to our cheeks and moisture to our parched skin. I love the no humidity of Colorado in the summer and do not envy those Floridians in mid July, but the feel of a little dampness on our skin was kind of nice for a change.

Since my brain is still on vacation mode and spell check seems to be hitting every word that I type, I'll just share a few videos and pictures from our getaway.

Chillin' at the pool

Fabulous dinner at the Breakers and playing afterwards.

Waiting for the tram to take us into Disney World. SO excited!

Classic Disney picture that you HAVE to take.

Post Splash Mountain

Vacation has made this mush brain forget how to upload the video that was the highlight of Molly's day at a PACKED park. I can only create a new post for the "Dancing with Goofy" video so take a peek at that too. Please pardon my blogging 101 issues. All in all we had a good day, but it makes me very sad that the special needs pass has been removed. I'm not sure how any parents of young children with autism can navigate the park and still have fun with a child that can't wait? I'm glad that we as a family got to experience that years ago. Luckily Molly is a relatively patient waiter now or our day would have been a disaster. More about that when my brain returns.

Sign Language isn't the most effective way to be understood.

The sudden passing of my beloved father-in-law, Dr Richard A. Bell ( a long time neurologist in Colorado Springs), was a tiny blessing for our 3 year old daughter Molly. The community poured out to support our loss and funds were donated in his name to the "Molly Bell Autism Fund" which went to pay for our home based 30 hour per week ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy sessions. This ran to the tune of $40,000 a year out of pocket for a few years as no insurance would touch this "alternative" treatment. There is NO WAY we could have provided this therapy had friends and family not stepped up to support us in this way. Dick's final gift to us was a monumental one.

I have told you already about Molly's poop smearing days. I'd put her down for her afternoon nap, and no lie, peek in 2 minutes later, and she'd already have a handful of poop and would be smearing it on everything! The bed, the comforter, the walls, the chair....her hair. This was the same time that my sweet mother-in-law, who never says "No" to anything, said "I just don't think that I can take care of Molly anymore. I'm happy to help with Jack though". And how could I be upset with her setting a perfectly healthy boundary? And one that I wanted to set too "I'm D.O.N.E with this kid. Can I give her back?" Of course if Barb really wanted to help me...it was getting Molly out of my hair. Jack was the easy joy to play with. So she came up with a brilliant strategy. She would pay for someone to come stay with the kids one weekend a month so that Brooke and I could escape to her mountain house. We could rejuvenate, she was helping as we ourselves couldn't afford to pay for someone to come, and we were all winners! Especially since we had THE PERFECT couple to watch the kids.

Stacy Richardson was our lead ABA therapist. She was young, energetic, smart, kind, funny, honest, loyal and loved our kids. Making a little extra money one weekend a month was good for her too. Her husband Seth was getting his masters in theology and was equally as kind, fun and trustworthy with our kids. Stacy knew all of Molly's quirks, she incorporated Jack into many of the therapy sessions, and there was literally no one better qualified to help us out. When Brooke and I walked out the door....we had NO worries about our kids and could enjoy our time away. Stacy had it covered.

On one of these weekends, Stacy and Seth had the kids at their place, which had a great kids park next door to their apartment complex. While the kids were swinging, Stacy had to run back to their home to take care of something and was gone about 25 minutes, leaving the kids in Seth's competent hands. When she returned, Seth said "Molly has been having a blast. Look, she has mastered this "look, no hands" thing. Stacy laughed "Seth, she is signing "All Done".  Poor little girl...20 minutes of trying to tell the adult knucklehead that she wants to get down and he thinks that she's having a blast!! Makes me laugh to this day. Seth felt terrible and has used this story in a sermon along his ministry way I am sure. If you are ever in Birmingham Alabama, look up Stacy Richardson Photography to take the most beautiful wedding pictures you have ever seen and stop in to Seth's church to hear a good story about faith and God. They now have two beautiful daughters of their own who I wish that we knew personally. One of these days.....

We have had many gifts of amazing teachers and therapists who have helped us with Molly. Stacy was one of the precious ones that will live in my heart forever. She celebrated the little victories. She saw through the non engaging 3 year old,
to the sweet girl that we loved. She taught us how to be firm and set limits and how to not let Molly's negative behaviors dictate how we lived. When our daughter had her constantly migrating OCD issues, Stacy would gently remind us to stick it out. In the end, it would make a difference if the OCD didn't control Molly. For example: Molly would walk over a threshold into the room, then back 2 steps out, then walk in, then back out, and then finally walk into the room. We would nip this behavior and not let her back out once she walked in....and she would tantrum. Of course. Quickly that OCD path was nipped but then she would begin another. It was a constantly revolving door of issues. Into her teens, the issues have mostly abated. Recently, however, I have noticed that every morning she gets up and has a little path around the house that she takes care of. She will check and see if the trash needs to be taken out. Do I get upset when it's only half full and there is still room for more? Sometimes. I'm trying to be green. :) Then she will put the new garbage bag in it's place. She will scan the room to see if anything needs to go to the recycle bin (hide the bills), she will push closed a drawer that is barely open, she will fill the dog food (she does this ALL day however and hasn't understood that he only needs to eat once), adds a little water to the water bowl, clicks the "water" button on the refrigerator to "ice" (Jack will click it back to mess with her), and then she will head back to her room to get ready for school. It's all very helpful now...so do I nip that routine? Stacy would say "Yes". See Stacy...I STILL hear you in my head all these years later!

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Stacy and Seth (Molly in therapy session top left. On Seth's shoulders top right.)
(Random little boy with his therapist mother whose name I have forgotten: bottom left)

On a side note....Molly and I are heading to Florida tomorrow to visit my youngest brother Jay and his family before they move to Australia. We will get to spend a day at Disney World! Molly STILL loves Mickey and Minnie Mouse and whenever she pulls up a video on her iPad...it's those two. So  though I'd rather go to Universal or one of the other parks, Molly will want to go to Disney World. So that's where we get to go! I won't vent here about how angry I am that the special needs pass has been removed since a few elite be-otches abused the pass and now the families that really need them can't have them. That's a future post for sure. Molly can now wait in line and I'm looking forward to a glorious day of fun with her. I'll take lots of pictures!!

Insert foot in mouth!

When you have a non verbal child, you get used to the silence in the car.  This allows me to play the music that I want to play, or more commonly, turn off the radio so that there is just heavenly silence. You get used to having a daughter that is with you who isn't actively participating in the dinner table conversations. She is with us and yet is a bit of a shadow. That might sound mean to say and as I try to find words to put to this particular situation, I find that it's a bit hard to describe. I can say a bad word...and she won't repeat it. I can gossip and she won't repeat it. I can share my deepest secret and she won't repeat it. There is a gift in that. She is a confidante of the highest measure.

So after 17 years of this scenario, as well as never knowing for sure exactly how much she truly understands (as her auditory processing disorder has made verbal language difficult); we say a lot of things in front of Molly. Sometimes it bites me; like it did last night. We were at Larkburger for a lacrosse dinner fundraiser. Jack was sitting with all of his high school buddies and Brooke, Molly and I were at a separate  table with another mom. We were chatting with her per usual about lacrosse, school, jobs and her older college aged sons. I asked if either were coming home for the summer and how wild that must be that she only has a few more years with kids under her roof. She mentioned that that will be sad for us too with Jack heading off to college in 3 years. I said "Well, we will probably have Molly living with us for the rest of her life, so that's good". At that same moment, Jack  and his buddy came over to our table saying that they were going to run next door to get a Keva juice and off they went. When I turned to look at Molly she was bawling...tears streaming down her face as she wiped them away. It was one of those "trying to stay quiet" cries but her lip was quivering and she was SO sad. We immediately thought that she wanted a Keva juice too and was sad that Jack  hadn't invited her to go. We were finished with dinner so we headed over there to get her one. Jack felt so badly upon seeing her that way thinking that he had caused her tears. He sweetly rubbed her back and tried all his best funny moves to get her to smile. She settled down once she had her smoothie and seemed a little better but then the tears would start again. So we knew that it wasn't the drink that had upset her.

Brooke looked at me and whispered "Do you think that is was your comment about her living at home forever?" And I knew in my gut that he was right. UGH!! OF COURSE that would upset her. It would upset any 17 year old. Who the heck wants to live at home with their parents forever? Not me for sure! Not even my daughter with autism who can't cross a street by herself. I knew that we would need to have a nice mother/daughter talk when I put her to bed.

By bedtime, she was her typical happy self and I was nervous about bringing up the incident. So easy to just move along and pretend that it didn't happen. Plus she has such a hard time expressing herself that I wasn't sure how this was going to go and I didn't want to drum up something if I had been wrong and maybe this was just girly hormones? I feel like randomly crying sometimes when my period is days away so maybe that was the issue? She was tucked in bed and I crawled in beside her "Molly, can we talk about tonight and what made you sad at dinner?". Her lip started quivering again and tears started streaming down her face. I hate seeing her sad. Even harder is that she can't tell me why she is sad. That stupid "why" word is so hard for her but I tried it anyway. Maybe one day she'll be able to answer. "Why are you sad?". She used her talker and said "Crying" (I can see that). "Did it make you sad when mommy said that you would live at home for the rest of your life?" She nodded her head and said "Yes" with her mouth!! "Sweetie, I know that you probably want the same things that every other girl wants. You want to date and have roommates in a home away from dad and me. You might even want to go to college and have your own family, right?". She nodded. (Good grief...she IS processing way more than I had imagined!) It's scary to even verbalize these concepts and put them into her thinking (but maybe they are already there?) as I don't think that she can be a mommy or go to college. But am I limiting her when I think this? Or am I being realistic? I have no idea. "Dad and I will do our best to support you in whatever your dreams are. I am so sorry that I upset you. When you were little, you didn't seem to understand what we said to you. Sometimes I forget that you understand us now and I was being insensitive. We would love to have you live with us forever but if you want to live somewhere else, we will work to make that happen".

"Any ideas where you'd want to live?" She clicks around on her talker and it says "Georgia"!! What the heck? That totally cracks me up and I have NO idea why she loves Georgia? We drove through it a few years ago on our way to the beaches of NC. We stayed with a friend in Atlanta (maybe she remembers that?). When I asked her what about Georgia she likes she said "Pool". Did we even swim at a pool there? There are pools everywhere...why Georgia? Past life issues maybe? :)

So there we have it. Either I shut up around her about living with us forever OR we get serious about a cool group home where she can thrive. I hope we can find one on the beaches of Georgia :)

To shave or not to shave?

Spring and warm weather are starting to FINALLY make their sweet appearances here in Colorado. I hear birds chirping and the beginning of buds on the trees are sprouting. We had a recent article telling us to pay attention as the bears will be coming out of hibernation soon and to keep our trashcans in the garage. I stare with envy at my east coast friends FB pages, who have posted pictures of Azalea bushes blooming bright pink, red and white flowers.  I know that everyone raves about the awesome skiing in our state, but this fair weather gal would prefer to live at the beach any day of the week. Wish the husband and son in my life agreed but it looks I'll be here forever. Unless Molly can land a sweet job as a chair/umbrella girl at the beach and I'll just HAVE to go with her to supervise.

So this may sound very superficial but it's my annual internal mommy debate as we migrate from long pants to shorts. To shave or not to shave my daughters legs? Most girls start this in 5th or 6th grade don't they? And they can do it on their own. Molly is a junior in high school and would slice her leg off if she was left alone to landscape. So yes, I've been mulling this over for quite some time and it's my pure laziness that has kept me from actually following through with doing it. I have a hard enough time staying on top of my own legs so picturing the bi-weekly struggle to shave HER legs just overwhelms me. Before our family cruise to the Caribbean last year, I decided to try a bottle of Nair for the first time. It's a great, easy wipe on, no shave, solution and yet Molly's skin had a crazy blotchy reaction to it. AND I caught her in the bathroom weeks later using the remainder as lotion! Luckily she hadn't used it on her face or scalp and there was no hair loss in the wrong locations, but it freaked me out enough to not buy more. The concern for me, of course, is what her peers are thinking. "EWWWW....look at her hairy legs?" or "Granola, tree hugger girl" etc. She is different enough already that adding this one socially icky trait would it just be alienating her even more? Or do they not care at all? Thinking back to when I was a teenager, I would have been appalled at a girl my age with hairy legs, so I can't imagine that kids these days are any more forgiving. Laser surgery? Waxing? Ugh....just one more thing to research and all it costs is $, right? Or maybe...just maybe....I can try it with her and this year she will be mature enough to understand and be able to shave her legs all on her own! I like thinking positively. And if you thought that conversation was awkward....just wait until I have the nerve to share about her womanly cycle! It's a fact of life with the girls and something that we dreaded for sure!

Molly and her "talker" at the TRE luncheon last year (hairy legs covered).