Jack was an Einstein

We thought Jack was such an Einstein and so advanced when he was talking in full sentences by 2 years old and easily potty trained by 2 1/2 (After a huge water balloon fight while family was visiting, Jack was highly motivated by them. I was not as they are hard to tie, but I used them to my advantage. "You get one water balloon if you pee pee on the potty and two balloons if you poo poo". That was all it took. He was trained.) He was easy going, had such a funny sense of humor and was so interactive from early on that we were finally learning through our second child what fun parenting was. Turns out that's how "typical" kids mature. When we juxtaposed his easy going ways with Molly, who was colicky, back into the doctor after every round of vaccines with a double ear infection and thrush, up all night with screaming fits, and didn't seem to care if we were around, we thought that he was a cinch to raise. She was so edgy and unpredictable that we literally never ate out with her as it just wasn't worth our Plan B life (which was to leave with food in To Go boxes or exit any venue for that matter). She wasn't a baby that could be soothed. For Jack, we just snuggled him, fed him or changed his diaper and he was back to being happy. We could try all of the above with her, and when nothing would work, Brooke would jiggle her up and down on his knee or put her on the dryer that had a similar movement, and only that would finally quiet her. She wasn't potty trained until 6 years old, and that huge effort took a long time and a team of ABA therapists to help us. Picture HOURS of liquids and potent reinforcers that were only given upon Molly's successes on the potty.


We didn't know it at the time, but Molly had some early oral defenses too. She refused a bottle, as well as a pacifier, and didn't suck her thumb either. No self soothing going on there. When she was old enough to hold a sippy cup, she wouldn't drink from that either, so I was the one and only person that could feed her. That sucked and tied me to the home. Husband, grandparents and the very rare babysitter were more than willing to try, but would end up with a screaming child that could only be soothed by me....so that was never fun for them. You have to admit, that a screaming child is just no fun to be around. Especially a screaming child that refuses to be soothed by all of your best tricks. I felt for them and especially Brooke who adored his daughter. She nursed until she was 16 years old. Just kidding :) I had to wean her when I was pregnant with Jack to give my body a little break before he arrived.

There are certain stories that stay crystal clear in my memory and the rest is recalled as the "foggy years". On this day, Molly and I were at Boulder Park as we lived across the street near Memorial Hospital. Jack was not born yet so she had to have been about 1 1/2 years old. She was in the swing and there were other little kids with their moms swinging too. I was trying to engage Molly as I stood in front pushing her. I would feign that she had kicked me as she swang?, swinged? (is that a word?) forward. "OOF!" I'd say falling backwards. She would look at me blankly, no smile on her face. Meanwhile the other two kids were watching me and cracking up. I loved them as they made me feel funny and like I was a good mom. Molly gave me nothing. It was the first time that I felt.....something. Wasn't sure what exactly...but like I was missing out on this parenting thing that I had looked forward to from the time I could remember. I had always wanted to be a mommy. Once the other families left, Molly and I were alone at the park. I made the mental decision to let her sit in the swing until she asked to get out. It was always me deciding what we would do and I had observed those other little kids wanting to now go slide or to get down out of the swing. So I sat on the bench and waited. She sat still in the swing and waited. Her little legs dangled, she looked around but never at me with a pleading look. She just sat.  And waited. We would still be there today if I had had the patience.

You see I now know that children with autism have extreme difficulty with initiation. Don't ask me why?! We STILL work on that challenge with Molly. Today she will walk into the room, stand still a few feet away and stare at me. I know what she wants as it's always the same. She wants to take a bath. Or maybe I can read her mind? I'm not sure at this point. I have to MAKE myself sit and wait her out. It's so much easier to say "Do you want to take a bath?", she'll nod and high tail it to the bathroom and wait for me to turn on the water. It's so much faster that way too. But instead, for learning purposes and her growth, we might make a subtle prompt with our eyes towards the bathroom, or say to another person in the room "I wonder what Molly wants?", or turn our backs so that she is forced to move forward and get my attention and then sign (her two hands rubbing together) "bath". She gets HUGE praise when on the rare occasion she walks into the room and straight off the bat signs "bath". Love it when she does that.

So I'm still struggling to figure how to upload video for you. I will persevere so that one day soon you can see cute little Molly before....and then now.