Molly's BEST teacher of all time!

We have had a huge team of support who have rallied around us and Molly since her diagnosis. We give thanks to all of them as it has "taken a village" for sure. However, I believe that there has been one person who has been the most influential to her happiness as well as to her positive development. He makes her laugh, he teases her, he notices her subtle improvements, he imitates her to perfection which makes me laugh, he snuggles with her, and he has a soft spot for his sister that is beautiful to behold. Molly's BEST teacher (dare I say by far?) has been her brother Jack .

Being the second child, living with autism is all that he has ever known. Here is another of those moments frozen in time that I will never forget. We were visiting friends back in NC, who had kids the exact same ages as Molly and Jack, when Jack noticed for the first time that something was different. Eliza was Molly's age and chatting up a storm. Jack noticed this and said "Hey Mom, how come I'm 3 and can talk but Molly is 5 and she can't?" At this point, he had been around therapists who had come in and out of our home 30 hours a week for 2 straight years working with Molly and he hadn't gotten the picture. It took seeing another kid her age for him to realize that something was amiss. The wonder is that he didn't care and seemingly has never been embarrassed by it. He loves her and that is that.

Jack is her protector. One summer we were at the pool and the kids were on opposite ends swimming; one in the shallow end and the other in the deep end. I was not quite at my current fantasy stage sitting up on the hill reading a book. But I also wasn't actually IN the pool with Molly so both kids could swim on their own at this point. We have belonged to this neighborhood swim club since both kids were tiny. Through the years, you watch families migrate from the completely safe and enclosed baby pool, to the shallow end of the big pool, to diving off the diving board in the deep end, to finally becoming the mom up on the hill reading a book and not noticing what your kids are doing as there are lifeguards to take care of that. I remember looking up the hill at those moms with such envy. Now I AM that mom. Yippee! At the beginning of every summer, I spend the first week or so positioned near Molly as she swims around the pool. It's not that I fear that she will drown as she is a very adept swimmer, but Molly has the tendency to attach herself to other kids and hang out with them or awkwardly near them. She makes her odd not-sure-how-to-describe-her-noise. It's kind of a humming sound or a loud "Ahhhhhhhh". It's not so obvious in a little child...but it is VERY weird coming out of a 17 year old. Even the tiniest of tiny kids will stop and look at her. They aren't being critical or mean and you can see it on their face: "WTF?" they are thinking (if kids use that bad word?). So in my constant state of educating others, I will watch and gauge if these particular kids know Molly. If they say her name or aren't looking at her strangely or making funny gestures to each other about her...I leave them alone. If I have a sense that they have no idea who she is or why she is just hanging out with them but not talking to them, I call one over. "Do you know Molly? Well, it looks like she wants to get to know you. What is your name? Molly this is _. Molly doesn't talk with her mouth but she is a super sweet girl and just loves to be near other kids. Is it okay if she hangs out? If you need me to lure her away, just motion to me and I'll get her". Can I just say, that in my experience, 100% of the time kids are accepting and accommodating as soon as they understand. Kids are great.

So back to protector Jack. There was a boy in the shallow end that summer that was annoyed and offended by Molly's noises. She was hanging out near him but not with him. This boy started to splash Molly. He splashed water straight into her face and kept doing it. Before I could react, Jack came from the other side of the pool swimming as fast as he could to Molly. Does he keep one eye constantly on her and the other on his own fun? He must. He pulled Molly away from the boy and lured her to another section of the pool. I truthfully can't recall if he said anything to the boy but of course I did. I pulled him aside and explained about her autism. He felt badly and I can bet he never did it again. Can I just say that her grunting noise made ME crazy too and I can relate to that poor boys annoyance?

Jack is her teacher. There is no one better about breaking down a task into simple easy steps for her to learn. Her first words "Awesome. Cool" were brought out of her by him. "What does a cow say?" "OOOOO" happened on a road trip. He is patient. He is kind. He knows her little quirks and makes her laugh about them. Currently, we see her counting on her fingers a lot (5, 4, 3, 2, 1) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5). He now does it randomly too which makes me laugh but also makes me nervous, like she'll think that it's okay and keep doing it. What IS she counting?

Jack has benefited as a human being by having a sibling with autism. He is wise beyond his years in dealing with someone who can not stand up for themselves, who has challenges with daily tasks and activities, who is naive, and pure, and kind, and childlike. But he also gets his way in every instance. He picks the TV shows and she's okay with it. He picks where we will eat out. And she is okay with it. He picks the family activities and she is okay with it. He has not had to learn how to fight. He has not had to learn how to share.  Typical siblings teach you a lot in learning to navigate life and other people. Parents hate the fighting and loud negotiating and screaming and crying....but lessons are being learned in these interactions. In some instances, Jack is at a disadvantage from his peers. A roommate in college will be a good test for him :)

I had a caring friend who once said to me "You are SO lucky that you don't have to listen to your kids argue". She meant well and she was right, I WAS lucky not to have that annoyance. But you know what I was thinking? That I would GIVE ANYTHING to hear my kids fight.