3 month blog hiatus!

I'm not going to apologize for taking 3 months off from writing here. You wouldn't have liked what I would have spewed. A dear friend pointed out that the way I was talking, it really sounded like I was battling depression. My running away fantasies had returned. I was taking Molly with me as she was the only one in our household that wasn't bugging me. And it always feels like she appreciates me but maybe that's because she can't talk and tell me how she really feels?! I know me, I always get a little bluer in the winter. I'm such a beach girl at heart. Depression is that topic that we whisper quietly about. It has the ugly label of a "mental health problem" that we don't want to admit to. By now you know that I'm not really a secret keeper. I'd rather expose my worst and let you love me for me and not the facade of who I think that you want me to be. The first time I was diagnosed with depression was within the year of Jack being born and Molly being diagnosed with autism. That was a stressful year that I never want to return to and the doctor labeled it "stress induced depression". I went to my naturopath, did the holistic protocol and felt better quickly. This time, I went straight to traditional meds and feel back to my old self. Feeling edgy? Hard time sleeping and once you wake up your mind keeps spinning over thoughts? Want to run away? Anti social? Everyone bugs you? Hey, those were signs of depression and I just thought it was THEIR fault :)


Brooke's job loss was the stress that put me over the edge this time. In the 20 years that Brooke and I have been married, he has never been home much during the day. Certainly the last 10 years he was out of the house from 6 am until almost 6 pm most nights with his heavy surgical sales job schedule . Having him home all.day.long.every.day since his job loss was starting to make me a looney tune. My little routines were being disrupted. I keep the under the kitchen cabinet ambiance lights on during the day...he was turning them off. He likes to crank music, I like it quiet. Tiny silly things like this were starting to wear on me and build up until I was ready to run away. Have I told you how loud Brooke chews and spit swishes? I have self diagnosed "misophonia" after hearing Kelly Ripa say that she has to leave a room when her husband eats a peach or she would rip his head off. I have that. It's better now that I'm medicated.  Jack's typical 16 year old behavior of wanting nothing to do with his parents, was making me more sad than it should have. Gosh, I sound like a very unsupportive wife/mother. (I was) If I were Brooke, I would have said "Have fun at the beach. See you when you are back to yourself. "

So here's what I'm thankful for 3 months later:

-A friend who called me on my stuff and reached out with concern.
- A medication that has helped me return to me.
- A family that has loved me through my crappy moods.
- 3 awesome part time jobs that are keeping me busy and engaged (home health care, personal   assistant to a doctor, children's hospital colorado foundation family festival coordinator for june 27th race). I'm a much happier busy person than an idle person.
- Nextflix which gave us something to do that was free for 3 months. I was SO sad when "Friday Night Lights" was over.
- Support from friends and family near and far through the 3 months that Brooke was jobless. Your private messages and FB support meant the world to me. Thank you!! Since we are both now gainfully employed, it's happier around here. My medication hasn't helped Jack want to share more with us however :)

• And for those of you who aren't my FB friend, here is our family video that we created instead of a Christmas/ New Year's card. We didn't have to pay postage this way :) And believe me, I have re-watched this numerous times and think how blessed I am in my life and what in the world could I have been depressed about?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q24K90HsiAA